Speak Your Heart
by AlwaysCaskett12
Summary: Kate tries to gather the courage to tell Rick everything; Gina be damned. A/U Season two finale fic, Gina's appearance in the precinct won't deter Kate from her goal of speaking her heart. Rated T to be safe in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone, **

**This is my first story of fanfiction that I've written in at least ten years and the first one I've ever posted on . I would really appreciate any criticism or support, I've been inspired to write again after reading so many amazing pieces in Castle fanfiction land (go read my favorite stories/authors, seriously) and I would love to know what everyone thinks. The idea for this story came to me as I was re-watching season two, and it would not leave me alone until I put it down on paper. Thank you to demuredemeanor, my awesome Aussie friend (and AMAZING ffn author, go check out her stories) who encouraged me to write in the first place and offered to be my beta. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle. If I did, there would have been at least one kiss scene in Linchpin with the car rescue. Oh, who am I kidding, there would be kiss scenes in every episode and maybe a baby Castle on the way. **

_The heart wants what the heart wants. _Castle's words haunt Beckett, repeating over and over; a mantra in her head. Breaking up with Tom was difficult, disappointment evident in his features, but he turned and walked away without a single glance back._I want you, Castle, _she thought, turning back towards the window. She looked on at the scene of him with her captain and coworkers, a smile forming on her face. She paused, taking advantage of the rare opportunity to watch him with abandon; noting his easy smile, memorizing his features, and agonizing over his aforementioned absence with the close of their 'last case'. Beckett's smile turned into a grimace as her stomach filled with dread at the thought of not seeing him every day, and her body felt weighed down by the fear of admitting her feelings. Montgomery's words about their solved case pierced through her, and she realized that she could no longer hide behind how she felt. She was Kate, the woman who stared down the darkness as a child and dared the monsters to come get her.

_I can do this. I'm going to do this. _

Kate straightened her shoulders and took a shaky step towards the break room. With each step, she became more certain of her admission to Castle. She walked through the door, and spouted off a comment back to Lanie that alluded to her confidence in her next step; her next move in the dance that was her and Castle.

"I don't need to drink to take him."

His eyebrows raised and his eyes portrayed the shock of her statement that he tried quickly to mask, arranging his features into his signature poker face. Castle followed her out of the room at her request, taking his jacket and preparing to leave.

Beckett fumbled over her words, her breath quickened as her confidence began to slip. She took a deep breath, collected her thoughts, and prepared to spill her heart.

"This past year, working with you. I've had a really good time"

Castle smiles softly and says, "Yeah, me too."

His words encourage Beckett, boosting her confidence once more to continue.

"So, I'm just going to say this…"

High heels click, announcing another presence moving in the room. "Richard?" The voice of Castle's ex-wife floats towards them, getting louder as she walks towards them.

Castle turns his head towards his publisher, watching her approach. Gina, having rounded the corner, was still a few paces away and Castle smiled for her, opening his mouth to extend a greeting across the room.

Beckett watches the scene unfold, horrified as her dwindling opportunity to tell Castle everything slipped through her fingers with each click of heels meeting hardwood.

_Too scared to say what they really felt._

Montgomery's words echo in her mind, sharpening her resolve to continue; to say something_,_ anything to get him to stay and hear her. _Know her. _Gina is five steps away, and Kate is running out of time. Almost of its own accord, her hand shoots out to grasp Castle's wrist, causing his head to turn back towards her, eyebrows once again raised in question. She steps towards him discretely and speaks, trying to keep the desperation out of her tone at the remaining seconds while conveying her emotion towards Castle with a single phrase.

"I broke up with Demming."

**Continue? Don't continue? Let me know. Thank you SO much for reading! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi everyone. I apologize for the delay. I'd hoped to get this out sooner but I've been sick with the flu and the characters refused to cooperate in a timely manner when I did have moments to spare between grad school work to dedicate to this fic. I thank you all so much for requesting alerts on this fic and reviewing the chapter. Thank you SO MUCH to my friends demuredemeanor and kimmiesjoy for their encouragement and just plain being awesome. Thank you K for beta-ing and D for your willingness to beta (darn work getting in the way). Also thank you K for showing me how to add a chapter to an existing story. I'm such a newb. Love you ladies! Now, back to the story!**

* * *

><p>"I broke up with Demming."<p>

Castle stares at Beckett, his eyes darkening with the questions that are burning in his gaze. He opens his mouth to speak, but the voice that carries is not his own. Gina is now next to him greeting Beckett, and Castle clamps his mouth shut; his opportunity to say something now gone.

As Gina extends her hand, Beckett realizes she is still holding onto Castle's wrist. She steps back and reaches out to shake Gina's in greeting. The women exchange polite hellos, formally introducing themselves after referencing a phone conversation they had earlier. Gina turns to Castle who is still silent and staring at Beckett, his lips parted slightly and his eyebrows furrowed.

Gina speaks loudly, turning her body slightly towards him, "Richard? What's wrong with you? We need to get going." Beckett raises her eyebrows and asks, "Going?" with a slightly confused look on her face. Gina smiles, gazing up at Castle, and ignores his dumbfounded expression.

"Hamptons for the summer. Rick invited me, and I'm going to stay on top of him while he writes." Castle's features transform into panic, glancing at Beckett and then turning to Gina. He stumbles over his words, clearing his throat. "Uh, writing. On top of my writing." Gina's right side of her mouth curls, a slow, deliberate smile. Her hand moves to Castle's wrist and curls around the very spot that Kate's hand was moments earlier. Her thumb rubs his skin with smooth, deliberate strokes. Gina lowers her voice, sultry notes threading through her spoken words, "Among other things".

Beckett watches Gina's display of affection, her skin turning a few shades lighter as she struggles to hide her emotions. Her mouth turns taut in a thin line and her eyes shine brightly with the tears she is begging inwardly not to fall. Gina continues, her voice louder with a teasing quality, "Richard can get so caught up in his distractions, he's dreadfully behind in his writing."

_Distractions. _Kate recoils inwardly from the blow. _Was that all she was? A distraction? _Kate's face hardens, quickly transforming into a mask exuding no emotion; no hint at the inner turmoil that rages inside her. Kate wonders if she is just a diversion; Castle moving on, now done with her and onto the next conquest. She curses inwardly at her effort in taking the risk, once again empathizing with the pregnant woman Cecily in the Chef Wolf case. Cecily chose the safe option; to be with the man she knew would never leave. _Kate's Demming._ Cecily knew that Wolf would leave her for the next hottest thing that came through the door. At the time, Castle criticized Cecily's decision, giving Kate hope that perhaps she had misjudged Castle. Kate eyes Gina, horrified as the exact scenario that drove her fear plays out before her, taunting her for initially following her heart. The word distraction continues to pound in Kate's head as she struggles to maintain control. She remembers his words, spoken so long ago, "What man wouldn't want you?" but alas, there is one. He doesn't want her, but she wants him. Richard Castle. Her eyes shine bright again with tears, and Kate moves to clench her hands into fists behind her back, cursing her weakness.

Kate realizes that she said nothing to acknowledge Gina's statement; the conversation now cast in an awkward pause. She resists the urge to glare at Castle, still mute, perhaps waiting for the conversation to be over to make his escape like a coward. The one time she wants him to speak, to take a lead, and he does nothing. Her anger rises, turning her sadness into fury at the silent man before her.

Kate says the first thing that is on her mind, needing the clarification, but desperately fearing the answer, "So you two are…".Kate drifts off, unable to finish the sentence without her voice breaking, alluding to her emotions that are simmering beneath the surface. Gina smiles and says an affirming yes at the same time that Castle says no, his breathing coming out in short, and unsure gasps. Gina looks at him baffled, and Castle continues in a stronger voice. "It's complicated." Gina brushes off his words, smirking at Castle condescendingly, excusing his words like an adult would to a child's sudden outburst, and her grip tightens on his arm as her frustration rises with his behavior. She speaks to Beckett, and levels a disproving look in Castle's direction, "It's not complicated. We talked for hours."

Rick's breathing becomes uneven again as he opens his mouth to say something, _anything_, and yet words fail him. _Words_. The very aspect that drives his career is now absent from his brain. He wants to speak a sentence that somehow appeases both women; causing the pressure of Gina's hand on his arm to release and the unshed tears in Beckett's eyes to disappear. Such a sentence is absent, resulting in his silence of words and lack of action; for once in his life he truly does not know his next move. All he wanted was for Kate to be happy; the motivation behind his recent actions and behavior with his personal life and the precinct. Sliding his gaze over her face, he knows the opposite is true.

Beckett forces a tense grin on her face, her eyes roving the room looking for an exit. _Needing an exit. _She speaks calmly and slowly, careful to evade the raw emotion slipping through her façade. "Well, have a great summer. I'm headed out now myself. " Gina states her farewell in a cheerful voice, smiling at Beckett, seemingly unaffected by the tension that radiates in the air while forgetting her prior irritation at Castle. Gina breaks her arm from Richard, turning towards the exit of the precinct, making a statement about their departure and the impending traffic.

Beckett turns towards the window, waving goodbye at the group of her co-workers, too emotionally spent to acknowledge their pity-filled gazes. Castle takes a bold step towards Beckett's turned body and ignores Gina's comments about the road. He offers his hand towards Beckett's to shake in farewell, not wanting their goodbye to end like this; chaos, uncertainty. She stares at it for a second, turning back towards him and slips her hand into his tensely, unable to mask the anger and betrayal she knows is radiating through her body. He tugs slightly, discreetly, causing her eyes to drag upwards and note the unanswered questions looming in his eyes while he sees the pain in hers. Kate exhales deeply and the word goodbye echoes off her lips softly, almost an undetected whisper, as she turns away and pulls her hand out of his grasp.

She turns with determination and finality, walking swiftly towards the back of the precinct to go somewhere, _anywhere _but where she was now. His deep voice travels through the precinct, laced with waves of uncertainty as she quickens her pace. "See you in the fall?"

Kate just keeps walking.


End file.
